Here we are, the year is 2010, it's 47 years since Martin Luther King, Jr. said, "I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character."
Yet, what has happened? What have we learned? Who are we as people? Weekly, I get texts on my cell phone from friends of mine, people I know to be good people, talking about "Niggers". Really, in 2010, I am getting texts about "Niggers"?
Ok, now do I have your attention? I hope so, because including the Title of this blog, I have just said the word "Nigger" three times and that is about three more times than I have ever said it in my life. Why do we keep saying this awful word and why in this day and age does prejudice still exist?
Rappers say, "Nigga" and it's cool - it's ok because "they" can say it about one another. Bull Crap! That's all I can say, is bull crap!
We must start having a true National Debate about race and prejudice. We dance around it and never come to the core issues. We never allow frank discussions in our home, businesses, and yes even our schools. We are afraid to admit our biases. We ALL have biases! In order to test some of your biases, please go to:
https://implicit.harvard.edu/implicit/research/
I am biased against people who don't speak English, but whom I think should. I am aware of this bias and because of this awareness I attempt to place myself in situations with non-English speaking people and to improve my understanding of their situation.
I am biased against people on Welfare, not those whom I perceive as "needy" or "disabled", but rather those I perceive as lazy or those commonly called "white trash".
Why do I discuss these specific biases with you? Because I am trying to improve myself and I hope to encourage you to look honestly at your biases and prejudices. Until we can openly discuss our biases, we are not going to solve our race problems or our problems prejudging people.
I have been a Law Enforcement Officer for about 18 years. Without a doubt the best experience of my life, which has helped me greatly as a cop, took place in 1988 and early 1989. I was a young man attending College at Southwest Missouri State University, in Springfield, Missouri. I lived in the Sunvilla Apartments, which are school managed Dormitories. I had a room on the 14th floor.
As I entered my room in the Fall to start my new semester, I discovered one of my new roommates was black, a person of color, an African American. His name was "James". James was from Mexico, Missouri and he ran track for SMSU. Now, as a young man, my experiences with people of color were limited to brief discussions with the two or three black people who attended Neosho High School. To say I was ignorant of other races would be a gross understatement.
As far as I knew, at this point in my life, the world was a great place and there really was "Freedom and Justice for All!" That is until the first time James and I went to Bass Pro Shops.
James wanted to see the Aquarium there and look at some of the sporting equipment. He asked if I wanted to tag along. Of course I did. We browsed the store for a little more than an hour, not buying anything because we were poor college kids - then we exited. As we left the store, we were stopped by two "Loss Prevention Employees", who asked if they could search us as they suspected we had "taken somethings". Of course, we allowed them to search us - they found nothing and we left.
I told James I thought this was weird, as I had never been stopped for such a thing before and he said, "You have never been shopping with a black man before." So, began my Semester of "learning" with James. We would be stopped again at Bass Pro; we were pulled over five times by the Springfield Police - all while James was driving and each time I saw nothing we did wrong. We were asked to leave a party just off campus one night, because we did not have "invitations" - even though I had been to this same place several times before and always welcomed in - but it had been just me before - no James.
As I came to know James better, I found him to be one of the best people I had ever known. He was intelligent, hard working, and had the best attitude I had ever seen. I asked James how he kept from becoming bitter or angry about being treated like this at times and he said, "They are not as lucky as I have been. My Dad blessed me with the knowledge they are ignorant and uniformed, so I pray for them. I pray they find peace in their blackened hearts." .............."their blackened hearts"........I never forgot this.
Now, while I am not one to support people of color "playing the race card", when I pull them over for a legitimate traffic violation or arrest them for a crime they actually did - I do understand it when they say, "you are just doing this because I am black". While it's not true, and nothing could be further from the truth, I understand, I have compassion, because I have been as close to their situation as a white man from the Ozarks can be.
Can we start having a real discussion about people? There are great people of every creed, race, religion, and origin. Conversely, there are terrible people of every creed, race, religion, and origin.
I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic, but please keep your "nigger" texts to yourself, while I pray for your blackened heart. ................If we can't agree - let's at least be civil.....................
This is an area where I have worked EXTRA hard with my children. I grew up hearing all the negative words and comments but thankfully for whatever reason it always made me feel uncomfortable and angry.
ReplyDeleteI work hard with my children by, well, doing nothing at all. I have never differentiated people based on race. Its hard to not hear the echoing words in my head from where I come from at times...but it only makes me pay attention more to prove to myself, again and again, that the stereotypes I was raised listening to, are very, very rarely the truth.
Part of the reason I absolutely LOVE California, especially SF Bay Area where I live, is the racial diversity. Eighty percent (or more) of my neighbors are Chinese, Filipino, Pakistani, Afghan, etc. My house is 2 blocks from one of the biggest Muslim Temples in the area. Its just as normal to see women in a burka than it is a teenager in jeans and a t-shirt. I love that this is "normal" to my kids.
Im not a religious person. To be frank...I think all religions are equally a little "crazy" but I understand that most people choose to believe in something or someone and thats their choice. When 1 religion tries to take away the rights of another...they are essentially taking away the rights of their own. The same goes for skin color, in my opinion. If you are going to treat people a certain way because their skin color is different from yours, why would you expect their treatment of you to be any different?
If you tell a child over and over and over that he is stupid...hes going to have 1 of a few different reactions. Hes going to work very hard his entire life to prove you wrong (and not in a healthy way, in a way that he feels hes never good enough no matter what he does.) Hes going to never do anything in life because, well, hes "Stupid." OR Hes going to say the proverbial "FK IT" because no matter what I do...Im still going to be told Im stupid.
This is what I feel society has done to black people (and other races.) We have told them they are "bad", "lazy", "liars", etc for so long that as a group they have collectively said "FK IT!" No matter what they do...society will never let them escape the stereotypes.
What can we do? We can stop talking about how to fix it and just fix it. We can stop making the comments and we can change our thoughts when they pop into our heads. We can pay attention and notice that what you were told isnt always how black people are. No group of people is ALWAYS anything. Every group of people has thieves, liars, lazy people, smart people, hardworking people, etc....
What you get at home when you treat every skin color the same....you get children who can be in a group of 1 Chinese, 1 Black, 1 White, 1 Pakistani, and 1 Italian child and if he's trying to tell you something about one of the children he will describe him as "you know, the kid in the red shirt." ;)
The other thing you get at home is when you find yourself being the only white person in the room (which also happens here A LOT) you are very comfortable because you know youve treated everyone around you with the respect they deserve as a human being...not as a skin color or a religion.
Just my 2 cents and probably a tiny bit off topic at times...sorry. :)
My grandbaby is mix ~half black and half white. I do not allow her to say the N word, her father whom is black does not niether does her mother who is white. Reason being because if you are black in most settings it is okay for you to personally say it in the realm of the black community, however if you are white then it is taken offensive in most scenerios. Since it can be used in a derogatory way there is no reason to include it in her or our vocabulary.
ReplyDeleteIt is a "racial " word rather someone wants to admit to it or not. And this world has got come together and teach our children that all people are created equal. That race and gender has no bounds . By keeping words such as Nigger around we are just holding ourselves down. Becasue like you say it is said in different context by different races and when a word is used like this one is will ALWAYS cause hurt feeling for some, anger for others and for everyone! So while new words are created and catch on I believe some words need to be left unspoken and become the past along with so many other racial issues!
Deborah, thank so much for sharing your personal thoughts. I am glad to hear this from your perspective and how it impacts your family! Have a great day!
ReplyDeleteIt would be virtually impossible to find someone with a racial bias which hasn't been "taught" to them. Think about it. Why on earth would it matter what the color of a person's skin is unless someone had told you that it mattered. Remember this - Never, ever judge a person for that over which they have no control, be it race, physical defect, place of birth, gender, etc. Things over which they do have control? Well, if you can't agree on those things, at least agree to be civil.............
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