.....Car crash, DWI, urine, and lots of laughs!!!!!.....

 

After serving the City of Neosho, as a police officer, for many years, I am left with many great memories and just the other day, I was reminded of a couple by some of my friends.  I decided to share this story on my blog and while it is a situation where you "had to be there" to get the full effect - I hope you will get the idea and smile!!!

In the late 1990's, I was working a night shift with my friend Mark Wohlwend.  Now, Mark and I - like most cops - had an unusual sense of humor and we laughed at many things most people would not see the humor in.  We had a lot of fun working together and made the most of every situation.  This night shift, would be no different.

Things were slow in Neosho - not much going on - so I met Mark at a local Convenience Store called Fastrip.  This is located at the corner of Coler Street and N. College Street.  We parked our fully marked police cars at the front of the store.  I went inside and got a cup of hot coffee.  Mark was enjoying a refreshment of some sort, so we stepped outside onto the sidewalk and were enjoying a peaceful night in the Ozarks.

As Mark and I talked, we were looking towards the gas pumps and saw a white older model Cadillac pulling up.  There was a woman driving.  She steered toward the concrete barrier protecting one of the gas pumps and all of the sudden - CRASH!!!!  She drove right into the barrier, with two cops standing there watching.  Mark and I looked at each other and could not believe what had happened.  We rushed over to make sure the woman was not injured and then..............

The rush of the alcoholic beverage odor came smashing towards our noses.  I mean this lady was not drunk, she was wasted!!!!  She was an older lady, so Mark took care in assuring she was not hurt and then getting her out of the car, which was not too badly damaged.  Mark then explained why he thought she was intoxicated and asked her to do some field sobriety observations, which she agreed to do.  As Mark arrested the woman for Driving While Intoxicated, we discussed what to do with her car.  The clerk at Fastrip said we could park it on their lot and the woman's family could come get it later, so it would save her the expense of a wrecker.  Mark asked the drunk woman if this was acceptable and she said it was, so she handed me her car keys and asked if I would kindly park her vehicle away from the gas pumps.  

As I walked to the car and opened the door, I looked inside for any needles or anything that might harm me.  Everything looked good, so I sat down and turned on the car.  As I did, I heard Mark yelling loudly at me, "Steve, NO!!!  Don't sit down, No!!!!!!!"  I began to step from the car to see what the problem was, as I felt my rear end and legs getting soaked!  I looked at Mark who by this time was laughing hysterically and said, "I think she spilled her beer in her seat."  Mark said, "No you idiot, she wet her pants!  You just sat in piss!!!!"  He pointed at the woman, who was now in handcuffs, and I saw her pants were soaking wet from the waist down!  I was about to be sick as the urine was now running down my legs and soaking through the cover on my bullet resistant vest!!!!

I had to get trash bags from the store and put some under me to drive my police car home and shower.  It was awful!!!! But, it was funny!  It's still funny!  I wish we had the surveillance camera footage from that night!!!

Mark laughed so hard he could barely escort the woman to his police car.  To this day, I always check any seat before getting in - for needles, knives, blood, and yes "pee"!!!!!